Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
