guys are only as good as the porn they watch
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
