We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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