ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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