If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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