the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
