I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
