i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
