I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
