I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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