I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
