I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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