dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
