the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
