i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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