She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
