hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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