literally had 100 drinks last night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
