problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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