bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
