I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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