When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
