My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
