just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
