Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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