My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
