Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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