I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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