can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
