She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
