I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
