I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
