They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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