I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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