They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
