My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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