So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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