I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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