never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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