No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
