I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
