if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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