Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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