but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
