she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You've changed since you got that strap on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
