I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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