I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My life is pants optional.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
