And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
