she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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