Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
