i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
