I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ugly people sure do ruin things
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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