dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
