i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
